Ask Algorithm

The Gnome Who Gnows!
December 1, 2008, 1:00 am
Filed under: Administrative

Ask Algorithm is a blog where the brilliant Algorithm Algordon, esteemed gnomish citizen of Azeroth, answers your inquiries about anything at all!

Ask Away:

DISCLAIMER: Ask Algorithm may include adult themes, adult activity, hard language, intense or persistent violence, sexually-oriented nudity, or drug abuse. No promises, though.

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Bizarro World Whipped Cream
January 19, 2009, 7:00 pm
Filed under: Lore | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Dear Algorithm,

Do you think if Tyrande had gotten with Illidan the events of TBC would never have happened?

-Jamuna, Forum, 12/03/2008

In order to answer your question better, I consulted the Bronze Dragonflight, or, as I affectionately refer to them: ‘The Fortune Cookie Gurus.’ As the aspects of time and alternate realities, they seem to have a pretty good handle on the ‘what if’ department. I ported myself to Dragonblight to ask Chromie, my gnomie homie, your question.

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Why Rogues Cut Themselves

If a rogue complains about a DK being OP- does anyone listen?

-Yoyao, E-mail, 12/09/2008

As we enter Arena Season 5, I suspected I might get a PvP question. Yoyao has delivered. I sometimes ponder what would happen if I could somehow convince people that it is Robot Season Omega Z. Would I get robot questions? How awesome would that be?

Anyway, the short answer is yes. Some people listen when rogues complain about Death Knights. But… why? Continue reading

Meet the Mograines

whats the deal with the mogaines, and why haven’t i seen them on jerry springer yet?
-Sprsmoothe, Forum, 12/01/2008

OK, that is a really loaded question.

To answer this one with my ‘Algorithm Thoroughness,” it’s going to take a while.  Of course, as always, it’s totally worth your time! A fabulous tale of death and betrayal!

Then again… if you’re just here for the tits? GTFO

The Mograine Bunch

Here’s the story,
Of a lovely lady,
Who had virtually no plot of her own.
Mentioned once in the comic
As the mother,
She’s named through her gravestone

Here’s the story,
Of a man named Mograine,
Who was busy with two boys of his own
All three were good, then turn evil
And they each get pwn’d.

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Weebi Looks Hot In a Leotard
December 8, 2008, 9:50 pm
Filed under: Lore | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Why can night elves/blood elves/tauren/trolls/dwarves/gnomes/orcs/dranei be death knights?

-Jamuna, Forum, 11/27/2008

The answer is actually rather short and simple. But! I’m making a long post about it anyway!

Oh, stop groaning. It’ll be fun!

Gnome-Bite-Size Answer: Death Knights are former heroes who pledged their souls to the Lich King. The Lich King persuaded these heroes to join the Scourge by offering the heroes immortality or power. Later on, Arthas treats the Death Knights like cannon fodder, and they switch sides again… becoming ex-ex-heroes. Or ‘heroes.’  Since all races in WoW have heroes (even those filthy oafs with tusks), any race can be a Death Knight.

Heroes being Death Knights? What is this? Opposite Day?

How could THAT happen? Well, in preparation for this post, I’ve called up my old college crush, Weebi. Continue reading

Shortage of Healers Does Not Equal ‘Gnome Priests’
Ok, I have a serious question:
Algorithm, why do people keep sending me tells asking me to heal?
-Morrign, Forum, 11/21/2008

Well, there are two reasons people are asking you to heal.

  1. You are being asked to heal, because healers are required for 5 man instances and they are hard to find. 
  2. People are out to get you, and don’t like you. We like watching you suffer. It’s just that simple.
Healer Shortage

I like math. I’m glad you asked a question where I can use numbers! Unfortunately, when I put on my math hat (+150 math power), it’s time to get SUPER SERIOUS.

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Is Arthas Going To Have To Choke A Bitch?
December 4, 2008, 4:40 am
Filed under: Lore | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
Why is Arthas so dumb? When someone was like OH HAI THIS SWORD IN THE ROCK IS EVIL. NOT THE DIET COKE OF EVIL! REAL EVILLLLLLL. DO NOT WANT!Then hes all like, “I can haz eveel sword?”srsly I mean I know hes blonde, but damn.

-Sprsmoothe, Forum, 11/19/2008

Arthas Needed To Represent

Arthas was consumed with the desire for revenge. You know how it is… Mal’Ganis, posse of the Lich King, popped some caps in Arthas’s hood. Arthas had to represent! He got his crew and their gats and rolled out. Arthas’s Lordaeron Soldiers has a reputation nomsayin? They can’t just let this shit go.

Arthas was very aggressive about protecting his people and avenging their deaths. In his zeal, he chose to sacrifice himself ‘for the greater good.’ Presumably, the curse of the sword would be sort of a small deal in comparison to that of the Scourge threat.

Is There Such Thing As Global Arousal?

Dear AskAlgorithm:

I find that I am slightly disappointed with the Northrend continent. I expected a lot more “frozen tundra, arctic excursion” type zones, and instead I’m given a desert wasteland, and hot springs in Borean Tundra, and a pleasant meadow with a little bit of snow in Howling Fjord.

Do you think there is a greenhouse gas problem going on? Have the gnomes finally gone too far and are causing global warming?

-Choada, Forum, 11/21/2008

First of all, the very idea that gnomes could EVER go too far is preposterous. Absolutely ridiculous. If anything, the gnomes haven’t gone far enough with their mechanical pursuits! Technology can help the environment. Look at Hybrid cars!

For Every Season: Turn, Turn, Turn

Azeroth’s temperature (apparently) doesn’t seem to change drastically over the course of the year. You’ll notice that Azshara continues its 24/7 display of fall foliage with no sign of winter. Stranglethorn Vale contains, year round, the highest ball-sweat-per-capita. The trolls are oh-so-very proud.

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